just add a little salt around the rim

I’ve stirred myself into quite the fine drink today.   I’ve felt anxious, sad and worried since yesterday.  There are a multitude of things going on in my life now and it seems that they are all on the list of top ten stressors.   I can’t complain because I know that the end result of it all is going to make me happier than I have been.

My beloved Carrie’s brother will be wed this Saturday.   It is a joyous occasion for them and I am over the moon that he has found such an amazing woman and companion to share his life with.   It’s bittersweet to be back with her family when she is not.   I almost feel though I am going there on her behalf, for him… and I don’t know if that makes any sense.   Either way I’m feeling real emotional about this and am trying to rein myself in.

The last time I shared space with Carrie she looked at me wistfully with tears in her eyes and said “you have everything I ever wanted.”  I didn’t think about that statement at the time but those words haunt me so very much.  Those words are a big reason I know cannot complain about anything my life because at least I have one.

Tough stuff you know?

In twenty-three days we’re moving five states and 471 miles away,  starting new jobs, renting a large house and will be celebrating our 6th anniversary two weeks before we leave.  We plan to wed within a year.

There’s lots of life being lived right now and I’m doing my very best to embrace all that it  brings, even if that means feeling it a little more intensely than usual.   It’s all such a delicate balance.

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