I’ve stirred myself into quite the fine drink today. I’ve felt anxious, sad and worried since yesterday. There are a multitude of things going on in my life now and it seems that they are all on the list of top ten stressors. I can’t complain because I know that the end result of it all is going to make me happier than I have been.
My beloved Carrie’s brother will be wed this Saturday. It is a joyous occasion for them and I am over the moon that he has found such an amazing woman and companion to share his life with. It’s bittersweet to be back with her family when she is not. I almost feel though I am going there on her behalf, for him… and I don’t know if that makes any sense. Either way I’m feeling real emotional about this and am trying to rein myself in.
The last time I shared space with Carrie she looked at me wistfully with tears in her eyes and said “you have everything I ever wanted.” I didn’t think about that statement at the time but those words haunt me so very much. Those words are a big reason I know cannot complain about anything my life because at least I have one.
Tough stuff you know?
In twenty-three days we’re moving five states and 471 miles away, starting new jobs, renting a large house and will be celebrating our 6th anniversary two weeks before we leave. We plan to wed within a year.
There’s lots of life being lived right now and I’m doing my very best to embrace all that it brings, even if that means feeling it a little more intensely than usual. It’s all such a delicate balance.