old poems I want to keep.

code purple

fast forward
it’s only 8 days
54 phone convos
that will
all the senses
237 hours sounds so short
it’s a test (a test, damnit, a test!)
do you think you can handle?
want to compare prices
at the grocery store?
be thrift store angels?
play house?
so you think you can dance?
i surely can’t wait
don’t want no dear john letter
i see a brighter future
you flow, i flow
we have mad current
balcony moments
and a universe that speaks
in thunder

these are my confessions

I just want to devour you
starting with the skin
around your nails
eat you up till I’m so full
I’ll burst
and maybe only then
you’ll know
just how much you fill me
hope, laughter, happiness
all ingredients
for a good splatter pattern

do steak-knives give you goosebumbs
the way they make me cringe
skin so clammy, cold and diaphoretic
almost lost to the great state of shock

did you lie awake all night like i did
after the last footstep went out the door
shaking, shivering, scared
no longer of you, but me?

now it’s the anger, pulling at me like the tide
growing strong, so fucking pissed
where was that girl I knew
who didn’t take any shit

the anger-energy is dangerous
but I think just what I need
to wipe the smoke from the mirror
and see the girl i used to be

lyrical support in re-building
a happier, safer me
desperation long gone
but still sometimes so painful in memory

someone once said I could be extraordinary
..in the right hands..
today I looked at my own
..and thought yes, I am.

time after time

468 days since i wrote code purple
or 1 year, 3 months and 10 days
normal happy living what an ‘effin concept

the mad crazy current continues
the fish and the water bearer
two women with big souls
living happy
living real

so.. you want some tots?


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