A good day, a couple bad ones and a whole lot of mood swings later. . .

I’ve been moody.  Actually, I’m a hot mess and a moody bitch.    I can totally see and feel it and still, I don’t know how to stop.

I know that we’re not the only people who have ever had to face a serious illness with our pet.  I know this because it’s my job to assuage other people’s fears about getting the devastating news that their pet is critically ill.   I am that soothing voice on the other end of the specialty hospital when you call and want to schedule an appointment for an Oncologist, Internist, Radiologist or Surgeon.    I’m really good at what I do but I don’t know how to make myself feel better.

Lately I am consumed with thoughts of Petunia, she has been having some really bad days.  This past weekend she showed signs of a cold.  Sneezing, swallowing, clear snot bubbles out her nose.   She was still eating, but seeing her catch this cold with an already depressed immune system sucks.   It’s likely a cold caught from stress of the previous week.   I was like.. hey, seriously folks, she’s got cancer, please cut her a little slack!   Sunday was the worst day.  She looked so puny and fragile and her once kitten face suddenly has caught up to her in age.   I talked to work and we’ve put her on two more medications.  An appetite stimulant and then another drug that I believe will help at least build a little more immunity for her.   Tonight was her second day on that and it doesn’t look like she feels any better, but last night she looked amazing?  It’s so damn frustrating.

Tomorrow is our first appointment with the Oncologist.   We will hopefully find out exactly what Petunia has and what our treatment options are.   Tonight Jennifer said that with an illness like this it comes down to counting the good days and bad days.   I don’t want to think about that, I think I’d rather just be angry now, but I suppose that doesn’t help her at all.

Though venting feels good I know that I need to end on a somewhat positive note, so today I am grateful for:  Petunia eating, Sushi, Chocolate cake, a good laugh at work with some of my favourite co-workers, kisses from our pups, a lover who’s honest with me, a great photography consultation, surprise package from my mama and very soon my bed.

I’ll leave you with a sneak peek from my most recent shoot.   I love the contrast of her white satin dress and the rugged combat boots. 

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